Tales From the Gay Bar – ”The Powder Puff” or ”There’s no such thing as too much concealer”

Posted: August 19, 2013 in TFTGB
Tags: , , ,

Aaah The Powder Puff! How to properly describe him? So many words come to mind, not all pleasant.

First let’s do a physical description.

• He is between 18 and 22 years old. What happens when he turns 22 you ask? Well when the clock strikes midnight and it becomes his birthday he realizes what a Silly Sue he’s been and he vows to, once more, become a normal human being. (Still a gay one though)

• He is skinny, more skinny than is healthy. We are talking collarbones that will cut a bitch!

• His hair is short and very stylish. Whatever is the newest fashion in men’s hairstyling, that’ll be his do. And don’t you dare mess with it! He spent, like, an hour doing it, he swears!

• From hair to face. Being at an age where at spot here or there is natural is virtually ruining his life. But thank god (or whomever invented it) for concealer. This is the favorite weapon in his arsenal and he never leaves home without it. Same with lotion, preferably at least two different kinds that have VASTLY different qualities, that there is no way he could possibly make someone like you understand.

• These items, along with his eyeliner, mascara, pocket mirror and other necessities are kept in his Gucci/Versace/LV bag. Whichever one is more in at the moment.

• Everything he owns is from a fashionable brand. If he happens to be caught with something that is not fashionable at all, someone bought it for him. If it’s from a brand no one recognizes it is either the next big thing, or something he bought on holiday (a holiday somewhere hip, naturally).

• His “going out” outfit consists of a v-neck shirt. Though the v is deeper than the Mariana Trench. So deep in fact, that you might just see his navel. And his white pants are tight, so tight his testicles are screaming for “Mercy, meeeeeercyyyyy!”, but in the club no one can hear you scream over the THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK of the sound system.

• Oh and a note about his pants. They are white, or at least light in color. Who does he think he is? I he trying to prove he is better than the rest of us? Just because HE can wear white and not get stains everywhere.Grumblemumbletwatmumblegrumble.

• Ahem…

• When taking pictures he will strike one of two poses. Either the infamous duckface *shudder* or he will stick his tongue out in an attempt to show off his tongue piercing and to proclaim to the world how “He don’t care, nuh-uh”.

Holy balls that list is long huh? Well we’re not nearly done with The Powder Puff. Oh no, we’re just getting to the good part. Oh shit! Hang on…..[INTERMISSION]…..Sorry, bloody nose, damn allergies. Okay, I’m back. Where were we? Oh yes we were getting to the good part, uhm the good part, yes. Okay I got something:

Fake Australian accent: “I’ve come out here to see if I can’t spot The Powder Puff in his natural environment. He’s a slippery bugger, but I hope we might catch one or if not, at least interact a bit with him.”

Okay, that’s not working for me. Steve Irwin is overdone (R.I.P.). I thought it would be funny. It wasn’t. How about we just go have a look around at one of the clubs The Puffs frequent? Sound good? Let’s go!

This is Beserk, it’s the newest club in town and everyone who wants to be someone comes here. The Powder Puffs are all about whats “hip” and “happening” and so they too come here. There’s a 50 meter line to get in. (54.7 yards for the U.S.A’ians and 43.7 Ells for the clothing merchants). Once you get to the door there’s a pricey cover and then you enter. From the moment you walk through the door, all speech is suspended. You may be heard if you shout, but it is not certain. But who speaks here anyways? You’re here to dance and be seen and drink WKD’s with pricetags clearly written by a mad man.

The Powder Puff’s main goal in life is to look hot. His aim is to attract a slightly older, yet still good-looking, guy to pay for his drinks and what else he might desire. This kind of guy used to be known as a daddy, but that is a no-no word now. Mainly because of all the pedophilia and incest stories that have hit the news in the last years.

Still a daddy is a daddy right? And once our Puff gets himself one, he will work on getting the next. He can always do better, be hotter, skinnier, more tan. And so he rolls through life as he rolls through daddies. Never satisfied, never good enough. His mind is empty except for one thing: “Is someone hotter or more popular than me, and if so how can I ruin them”.

The way he discards the people around him also translates to his BFF. His Faghag. Now Faghags have a bad rep, and this is the reason why. This sad excuse for a human being clings to her Puff as a baby to a teet. They are inseparable, at least for the two months they are friends, then as the trees drop their foliage. He will drop his Faghag. And the community will breathe a sigh of relief that they no longer have to hear her semi-homophobic, braindead, unoriginal and bitchy comments. But the peace is short, a new Hag will soon replace her and the spring will bring new leaves to the forest.

And here ends the light part of the study of The Powder Puffs. If you do not wish to read a rant, I urge you to stop here along with the image of our Puff. He is carefree and would NEVER read the next part. (Never mind the fact that he probably wouldn’t bother to read at all).

Now some of you may have figured out why these types of gay guys are called powder puffs. It’s all the make-up and the attempts to cover any real personality with an empty, yet hot, shell. But there is more to this name and it is even less fun than the above. You see, my friends, amongst these Puffs and the men that cater to their needs, in return for certain…services, there are, at times, a lot of drugs. Often it is the pill-shaped kind that lets you dance all night long, but cocaine is an old classic and will never die I am afraid. Poppers is another popular drug that supposedly makes you last for hours in bed. This is also a well established drug among the bears.

Through the years, I’m sad to say, I have seen more than enough young men go to rehab, and more than one OD/Drug induced suicide.

These young men that have scarcely left boyhood behind, enter into a lifestyle they either cannot or will not see the consequences of. And then one day they finally wake up in this tilted world they have created for themselves and they want to go home. Some make it, some get a little lost along the way, and some, some don’t even know where to start the journey.

That is the sad truth and you won’t find a lot of people in the community who will admit it, and even fewer who want to fight it. You know why? You know why people reject talking of this? Because “That’s the way it’s always been”.

Oh we are brave in the LGBT community. Brave I tell ya! We can march and dance and sing for our rights to marry, adopt, and be protected. We will face prosecution and the powers that be. We will look them in the eyes and scream “WE ARE HERE, YOU CANNOT DENY US!” But you know what we can’t, won’t, don’t dare to do?

Face our own history!

Where are the AIDS sufferers from the eighties now? Do we remember them? What about the ones killed or arrested in the riots of the sixties? Do we remember them? What about the nameless masses long before our time? Do we remember them?

We are nothing but weak, trembling cowards! And I say we. I too am weak, I am gutless, I am a sheep waiting for my shepherd. I have no answers, no great revelations or gospels. No speeches.

I am small and insignificant and no one at all.


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