L(i)ebster (*snirk* I made a danish gay-joke which is possibly only funny to me)

Posted: September 9, 2013 in TFTGB
Tags: , , ,

Well first of I’d like to thank the lovely Baroness Lesbiana von Lichtenclit from Pucker Up Buttercup for nominating me for a Liebster award. I am honored and frankly a little frightened. You see it comes with rules and stuff. Now I like setting rules, but I always make sure I can get around them myself. Why? Well because I don’t do rules, I don’t do authority and the fact that something is there simply to tell me to “do this” or “don’t do that” means I am honor-bound to do the opposite. Oh god, I sound like I’m trying to be this cool “I couldn’t care less about society’s norms” kinda person, s’cuse me while I go help some old ladies across the street and focus on being an upstanding citizen (also I hated Kerouac’s On The Road and I wanted to smack Holden Caulfield and tell him to grow the fuck up so I doubt I can be considered edgy and cool.)

Let me first list these rules:

  • You must link back the person who nominated you
  • You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you
  • You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with under 200 followers
  • You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer
  • You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees

Now let’s have a look at which rules I’ll have to break in order to keep the cool and edgy thing going:

  • You must link back the person who nominated you – No problem here; I should hope I could manage to link a blog post.
  • You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you – Yup totally do-able, in fact; if you keep reading I do just that down below. I know I’m totally excited too!
  • You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with fewer than 200 followers – Aaaand here’s where it gets iffy. You see I only follow one blog (that being Pucker Up Buttercup) and I don’t really have the time to read a bunch of blogs, though I would totally love to! I work six, sometimes seven days a week, in fact I’m writing this as I should be sleeping since it’s half past one in the morning and I have a meeting at eight. So nominating ten other blogs is just impossible.
  • You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer – See above; re: Lame excuse.
  • You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees – And again…

So breaking three out of five rules is not so bad right? Right? Okay, I suck, but after the whole Harry/Caspar debacle I’m just swamped at work so this is what you get, take it or leave it!

Without any further ado (or bad excuses) I shall answer the ten questions I was posed:

What’s the most important quality you look for in a friend?

I started thinking of my closest friends and what they have in common. They are so vastly different. So I wrote a terrible poem! (At least it rhymes.)

Friends are fun
Friends are great
Some are gay
Some are straight
Some are single
Some are not
Some are ugly
Some are hot
Some are funny
Some are strange
Some I think
Are quite deranged
Some are short
Some are tall
Oh how I dearly
Love them all
I think what makes them
Friends might be
They all just
Put up with me

What would your superhero name be?

Drinksmaster! I wouldn’t have a cape, but an apron and I would serve awesome drinks and get the super villain drunk. And if that didn’t solve the crisis I would just smash his head in with a bottle of Jack while screaming “IT’S WHISKEY, NOT SCOTCH YOU CUNTRUNT!” Or maybe I would actually fare better as a super villain. I would get the superheroes wasted on my drinks and they would be defenseless! MWAHAHAHA….

Have you ever broken someone’s heart? If so, whose?

Yeah I have, but she broke mine first so I think I was in the right.

Is the pursuit or the capture better? Why?

The capture. The pursuit is full of doubts and speculations, the moment you capture someone it’s like everything just collides and turns into this wonderful spectrum of light. Your heart is beating faster than what seems possible and you can feel your muscles spasming. Hands shaking, mouth dry you reach out and feel that impenetrable wall that has kept you from your desire just crumble at the slightest touch. The light comes pouring in and the dim twilight you’ve been living in fades under the awesome power of the bright, hot sun. You feel like the world is there for the taking and you don’t even have to think about it. You just grab hold and cling to it for as long as you can. You’re floating above the ground and you feel as light as a feather. That is what the capture is.

What do you most wish you could do over?

Nothing really. I mean we all have regrets. There are things I would do different, but they’re all tiny little things. Like I would say something else in some situation and not be made fun off for saying something stupid. Or I would have not eaten that thing and gotten sick, but really I am quite happy with where I am. I have no major regrets so far. Maybe in 20 years I’ll look back and think “man I wish I’d done X instead of Y, my life would have turned out completely different”, but for now I’m good.

Is it ever okay to put raisins in cookies? Why or why not?

NO! NO IT IS NOT! Why? Because raisins are disgusting, treacherous little bastards! You see a sweet little cookie with chocolate chips and you think “yumyum Imma eat you!” And then you bite into it and what do you find? Those weren’t delicious chocolate chips, those were disgusting raisins. YUK! I’m convinced even the Cookie Monster hates raisin cookies.

What’s the last compliment you were given?

Someone called me a nerd the other day. I decided to take that as a compliment because 1. It’s true. 2. I thoroughly enjoy being a nerd. I think it holds a lot of value. So even if it wasn’t meant as a compliment I took it as one.

How important is the first kiss?

Uhm can I say see above; re: capture? The first kiss is this magical moment where time stands still. Unless of course you are awkward like me and mess it up. How does one mess up a first kiss you say? Weeeell let’s see; I’ve ended a first kiss with a high-five, I’ve ended one with a “fuck yeah”, I’ve accidentally stumbled after one because my legs were all “omigud sexy lady kisses, we cannot control ourselves!” and I’ve done a first kiss with my eyes open because she was so hot and I wanted everyone to see. Kisses should never be done with open eyes; they just feel wrong that way.

What’s the best name for a turtle, and why?

Skippy, no Terry, no Mr. Turtely fantastico, no Donatello (because he was the best TMNT), no dove (get it?), no Travis, no Trent, no Boulder, no Shelley, no Sheldon, no Frank, no awesome McTurtlepants, no Tina, no Tray, no Trina, no wait I will go for Awesome McTurtlepants!

What do you wish people knew about you?

I don’t know if it’s something I wish people knew about me per se. But I wish people in general would be better at looking past what we all look like on the outside and see us for the amazing human beings we are on the inside. Take me for instance, I’m not good-looking, I’m a little overweight, I don’t dress nice but for comfort, I don’t wear makeup because I honestly can’t be bothered. I’m in no way hot, but my brain is! My brain is a wonderful thing, it’s funny and quirky and smart all on it’s own. Once girls get to know my brain they always say “how come no one’s scooped you up, you’re a catch”, yeah I am, I know I am, but the first impression caries way too much weight in this world and at first glance I sure as hell ain’t no catch. So I wish people knew about me and all the other funny, quirky, smart-brained nerds out there that we are way more than what the eye sees. There’s an old Danish proverb “Man skal ikke skue hunden på hårene” (You shouldn’t judge the dog by it’s fur), basically it means that you should get to know the dog before you jump to conclusions. It might be mangy and dirty and smell bad, but it might also be the sweetest most lovable dog you’ve ever met. So people of the world, I beseech the to get to know the dog and forget what it’s fur might look like!

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