The Rad Readalong: “The Fault in Our Stars” Chapter One.

Posted: March 4, 2015 in Rad Readalong
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Before all of the hype around The Fault in Our stars, I didn’t even know Green was an author. I enjoyed his YouTube series on world history and I knew he did some other YouTube videos with his brother, other than that I knew nothing about him. But as always with a new (to me) author, I am ready to have my mind blown. So chapter one ho!

First a Peter Van Houten quote. It seems no modern book is complete without a fancy quote at the beginning. At times it relates to the story, but mostly it seems to be there just to ensure us that the author is really smart and has read high-brow literature. Now I didn’t know Van Houten so naturally I googled him. Turns out the dude is fictional. I guess he’s part of the story somehow. Dunn Dunn Dunnnn…

Oh yeah and then for good measure an author’s note to say that fiction isn’t reality. Good to know, now let’s get to the actual story (which is totes fictional you guys!).

Hazel likes to stay in bed, read and think about death a lot and for this reason her mom and doctor believe she is depressed. To me she sounds like a teenager, but ma and doc dump her in some youth group therapy. Cancer youth group therapy to be exact because Hazel has the cancer and it sucks balls (both the cancer and the therapy).

In sucky cancer youth group therapy (SCYGT) Hazel meets a boy with bad posture named Augustus, and can I just have a moment to say how bad I feel for this kid. I mean cancer is bad enough, but Augustus. Dude, with a name like that you either own it and become a roman emperor or you give up, let people call you Gus and take a job as an janitor at the local quick-mart. I am sorry to say, I am not liking his chances on the whole roman emperor deal.

Anyway Hazel uses a bunch of adjectives to describe him, but ends up deciding it’s way easier just calling him hot. She proceeds to spill a bunch of “Oh but he could never be interested in an ugly-duckling like me boo-hoo” crap which I promptly ignored and then comes a really fucked up sentence if you take it at face value.

“A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well.”

Okay, listen, I get what she’s saying, I do, but that may not be the right way to say it. She comes off as, well, as a superficial bitch. (Wait I am not obligated to like this book am I? Are you all going to be really mad if it turns out I hate it? Oh god, what have I gotten myself into?)

Augustus reveals he is afraid of oblivion, but that’s okay because Hazel has memorized a monologue for just such an occasion, leaving Augie fanning himself and going “Well I do declare! Aren’t you something else!”. It is official; we have our Romeo and Juliet locked down by page 13. That’s efficiency at work people!

After SCYGT Augie, Hazel and their mutual friend Isaac hold a brief competition in sarcasm mostly in the vein of “Cancer really sucks huh guys?”. Isaac then bails to go get his horn on with his gf who apparently has lost all sensitivity in the chest-region. Poor girl…

Augie non-smokes cigarettes which he claims is a metaphor for living life to the fullest or toying with death or whatever. Honestly it is pretty fucking lame, but Hazel is all “hot damn this sexy bod is all deep and shit” and so they head to his house to do the funky monkey dance watch a movie.

What will our kooky teen aged cancer patients get up to next week? Will Augustus change his name to Chad? Will Hazel start smoking for real to one-up him? Will Isaac’s gf regain feeling in her boobs? Join me next week for more sarcastic fun-poking at cancer (srlsy, they do that A LOT!).

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Comments
  1. Are you taking requests? I like the movie “Perks Of Being A Wallflower,” but haven’t hear anything about the book. So if you could take care of that, that would be great.

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    • Neomety says:

      Well, we still have more than twenty chapters to go in Green before (if people like the readalong) we move on to a new book. I’d love to do Perks of Being a Wallflower, but I think for the readalong to work, it will have to be a book I’ve never read and know relatively little about. Unfortunately In this case, I’ve both read the book and seen the movie. But I’ll keep it in mind :)

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