The Rad Readalong: “The Fault in Our Stars” Chapter Two

Posted: March 11, 2015 in Rad Readalong
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Augie apparently drives like my grandma. My grandma Ruthie comes from a very strict religious background where there was no drinking, dancing, playing cards or having fun. If you were a woman you stayed home, took care of the kids, gutted fish and in no way did you drive a car. So she didn’t get her license until my grandpa died and she had no choice. She was 55 years old at the time (not that she would ever make any excuses, she is fucking bad-ass!). Augie’s excuse is a prosthetic leg. I guess we all have things to overcome.

As they drive along (haphazardly) Hazel explains her entire medical history. I won’t bore you with it (and I may have only skimmed it myself), but I think it suffices to say she was dying, then got a drug that shrunk her tumours and bought her some time.

They make it to Augie’s house in one piece (technically two pieces and an oxygen tank). It turns out his home is also The International Museum of Motivational Quotes. I bet his dad has worked 25 years at some crappy office job and brings home a new motivational poster every week. Oh yeah, they call them “Encouragements” which just sounds so creepy (and slightly cult-ish).

But behold! All of a sudden something amazing happens! Augie’s parents call him Gus and I pee a little. Remember my little tirade about his name in the last post? Well it seems like cleaning the customer restroom at Metro Convenience “The one stop shop for your needs!” is his destiny.

Poor Augie gets immensely cock-blocked by his own father, who insist he and Hazel watch their movie upstairs and not in his crusty basement man-cave. Sexy-times: 0, Hygiene: 1. You go, dad!

The pair do however dip into the basement (not a euphemism) to look at all of Augie’s basket ball trophies. He gets all existential about how silly sports are and I finally find myself able to relate to this character. I completely agree. It does seem strange to make grown men run down a track and then put hurdles in their way. Is it some form of punishment?

But enough about Augie. No seriously, I thought Hazel was the protagonist, am I wrong? The story is told through Hazel, but so far I know much more about Augie than her. Well we will know more in a moment, because now Augie demands Hazel tells him about her fetishes (no really). Instead she decides to talk about how she loves reading and she mentions her favourite book. It’s the mysterious Van Houten book from the quote at the beginning. It is called “An Imperial Affliction” and it is apparently the knees of some bees. (I’m totes hip with the fresh lingo dudebros!)

Then there is some hand holding, some movie watching and some talking in a parked car, coincidentally my favourite conversation-location. There is something about the non-permanent state of sitting in a car together that just makes for great conversation. Augie puts this magic to good use and gets Hazel to promise to call him when she has finished his favourite book (which is based on some video game).

Will Augie die in a car crash on his way home? Will Hazel hate his book? Will Augie’s mom sow Hazel her very own “Encouragement” pillow? Join me next time for the third chapter in this thrilling tale!

  1. Was the pastor at your grandma’s church John Lithgow? Sounds like she’s from the “Footloose” town.


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