The Rad Readalong: “The Fault in Our Stars” Chapter Five

Posted: April 1, 2015 in Rad Readalong
Tags: , , , ,

Augie hasn’t called in a week and Hazel believes it is his turn, because she called him last time. Dude, this is precisely why I am single. I do not understand all those weird rules of flirting. I do not get the point of them either, if I want to talk to someone, I will call them up. Easy as that. Hell, I pulled my last girlfriend with the incredibly romantic line “I want you and I get what I want!”. That actually sounds pretty rapey now that I think about it…

Anyway Hazels’ life goes on: friends, school, dinners with ma and pa (who is apparently still around. I was kind of hoping for a stereotypical dead-beat dad.).
It is during one such dinner that Augie finally calls. He and Hazel talk about AIA and how they both assume Anna died and that was why the book ended so suddenly. Because that is what death does. It snuffs out life at a moment’s notice and does not bother wrapping everything up nicely.

After Hazel’s many failed attempts at contacting Van Houten, the author of AIA, Augie has gone and managed to make contact on his first try. Either Hazel is just useless or she really was not trying that hard.
Augie has received an email from Van Houten in which he uses a lot of really fancy words to say “Nope, I haven’t written anything else, nor will I, but thanks for your nice email.” My guess is, that Van Houten is supposed to seem like some crazy intellectual or maybe Green just wanted to show off his mad Scrabble skills?

By the way, my Dutch is basically non-existent, but I am pretty sure houten means wood or tree. Fictional author named Wood, actual author named Green. Coincidence? Quite possibly. Now back to the story!

Hazel gets the email address from Augie and spends a couple of hours writing another letter asking for answers to what happened to everyone except the protagonist. Again she asks about the damn hamster!
I really hope Woody writes back saying “Anna didn’t die, maybe you should cheer the fuck up kid!”

Augie and Hazel do the “talk till late at night” thing that is so incredible when you have a crush. Augie mentions his ex-gf Caroline, she is dead, presumably from cancer. Jeez! These kids just cannot catch a fucking break!

Speaking of catching breaks; Isaac is seemingly cancer-free. Now that he has no eyes left for there to be cancer in. Yay? Hazel goes to visit him at the hospital after his eye-removal ceremony. He is more broken up about the heartless bitch formerly known as his numb-boobed ex-gf. I get it. Heartbreak must be much more palpable than being blind all of a sudden. It seems a very human response to me.

A reply from Woody ticks into Hazel’s inbox and it is slightly less prose-heavy than his first email. He explains that he can give her the answers she craves only in person, so she would have to go to Amsterdam. My first thought was “well that’s not too far away” then “oh wait, she’s in the U.S., nevermind”.

The next bit is all about how Hazel’s family is financially ruined because of her treatment. I will spare you the snarky comments about free healthcare we’ve all heard a million times.

A few days later, Augie shows up to take Hazel on a picnic. He does the whole “meeting the parents” horror show (and does is extremely well I might add) and they are off.
Off on a magical Dutch-themed picnic, with the sole purpose of Augie declaring his intention of using his wish foundation wish on taking them both to Amsterdam to meet Woody. I have a gnawing sense they won’t make it.

Will their plane crash? Will they try the marijuanas and OD? Will Augie’s prosthetic leg get caught in the luggage belt and drag him under? We will see!


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