Archive for the ‘Life-thingies’ Category

Mind games

Posted: February 24, 2015 in Life-thingies

When I was growing up and living with my parents, my mum would bake bread every Sunday. She still does in fact, I am just rarely there to witness it. Every Sunday she would be in the kitchen, radio on, quietly humming along and kneading dough for buns and loafs. She would roll out the buns, nice and round with practiced hands. Repeating the same roll-scoot-scoot-roll over and over, like she was kneading out the rhythm of a foxtrot.

In the windowsill her wristwatch and her ring would sit glinting, the sure sign that she was hard at work. They had been exchanged for the old washed-out apron with the vertical stripes and the stains of a thousand home-cooked meals.
When a familiar song came on the radio her clear voice would search for the words and fade in and out of the passages she knew. At noon the radio station would play the bells from the city hall in Copenhagen and the smell of freshly baked bread would be wafting throughout the whole house.

The bells ring out the oldest written melody in Denmark, “Drømte mig en drøm i nat” (Dreamt a dream last night). It is not an elegant melody when played on gigantic bells, instead I always found it to be rather haunting, but a strange thing happened once I moved away from home. Whenever I hear those bells, I smell freshly baked bread.

The first time I remember it happening was on a bus filled to the brim on a hot August afternoon. The bus smelled anything but nice, more like sweat, cigarettes and diesel, but the radio was on and the clock struck twelve and suddenly the smell of my mother’s freshly baked rye bread was wafting through the air. I closed my eyes and I was standing right there in our kitchen with the cracked floorboard by the door and my father’s million bottles of oils and vinegars in the windowsill. I sniffed at the air trying to retain the image, but it only lasted for a moment and I was back on the cramped no. 41. If only the other experience had left me as quickly, it was not nearly as pleasant.

A moment ago I was watching a movie, X-Men: First class to be exact. The first few scenes has a young Erik Lehnsherr (later Magneto) in a concentration camp. An Evil Nazi German wants to experiment on him and learn about his mutation. The scene was in German and as I had not put on subtitles I had to concentrate to understand what they were saying. As Evil Nazi German spoke of Evil Nazi things, I could suddenly smell the car-deck of the old Great Belt ferries. I felt nauseous and trapped.

Now normally I have no issue with people speaking German. I might even understand some things if they speak slow and clear. I don’t recall German ever making me nauseous, but something about Evil Nazi German’s voice or inflection made me remember the frequent messages in multiple languages announced over the tin-can PA and the terror those foreign words made me feel.

I know those ferries no longer sail, haven’t for 17 years, but the fear they made me feel as a child is still very much alive inside me. The seemingly endless sea-sickness, the cramped car-deck that made you feel like you were trapped in a maze of sedans, the distinct smell of oil, seawater and exhaust and the constant fear that we would sink and die. I was utterly terrified and I just experienced all that again. The mind-numbing fear of a small child roaring through my adult head and rooting me to the spot.

Man I need a smoke!

The Perfect Roommate

Posted: January 4, 2015 in Life-thingies
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Since moving away from home I have lived both on my own and with roommates. I enjoy both, but I think living with a roommate suits me best. The only problem with having a roommate is, they usually suck. So here are some mean and very one-sided descriptions of my four roommates.

Roommate number one: The Smelly Sharer

I received my very first roommate at a boarding school. There were 6 small houses on school grounds and we were about 10 people in each house. I lived in house number six and shared a room with Agnetha. She was extremely social and had spent a year hitchhiking and squatting around Europe. We got on pretty well in general, but she was in the habit of sharing absolutely everything and since she had hardly any stuff, she mostly took and hardly ever gave. She also didn’t believe in showering quite as often as the rest of us, and washing clothes happened very rarely so I blessed my terrible sense of smell. She was pretty cool at times though. She basically nursed me back to health over 3 days after a terrible allergic reaction, so thank you for that Agnetha.

Roommate number two: The Ghostly Guy

My second roommate came two years later while I was at university. I had to move quite far away and I didn’t know anybody in the area. I got a small dorm room that had a shared bathroom with the room next to mine. The guy who lived there was nice, but bland. I think we talked maybe once a month and it was mostly “s’your turn to clean the bathroom”. I don’t even remember his name, but he was neither good nor bad so I guess that was all right.

Roommate number three: The Batslut

After that I lived alone for a while, but my apartment was shit and ridiculously expensive, so when I met a girl at uni who seemed kind of cool and who needed a new place, I figured we’d give it a shot. That was both a big mistake and a great thing.

We found an amazing apartment in the city centre. It was big, almost 100 square meters (1076 square feet) and when we shared the rent it was incredibly cheap. We grabbed it, moved in and settled quickly. Both of us had also just started dating someone, she had picked one of my good friends Neil, and I had unwittingly jumped aboard a train to Crazy Town (but that would take a while to resolve). Unfortunately my new roommate quickly dumped Neil in a not-very-nice fashion and he was kind of broken up about it so we didn’t hang out for a while. After this she got sluttier and battier every week. A string of unfortunate guys spent the night and she would have violent mood-swings all the time. Luckily after about 3 months she decided to move out and try to live on her own.

Now I was still dating Crazy Town and it was actually going really well. So well in fact that I invited her to move in with me. We totally u-hauled and I learned my lesson. In the beginning it was fine, but after about a year things went south. I have no desire to explain further except to say that she dumped me completely out of the blue and I pretty much fell apart.

I was left with a problem. I still lived in that amazing apartment, but there was no way I could afford it on my own. I had to find another roommate and my solution was simple. I called up Neil. He was living in some shitty dorms in the suburbs and I knew he wanted to move out, it seemed like a good fit. Our conversation went kind of like this “Hey Neil, CT dumped me and I need a roommate, you game?” “You mean I get to live in your awesome apartment? Fuck yeah I’m game!”. And that’s how I got my fourth roommate.

Roommate number four: The Punmaster

Neil and I have been living together for 3½ years and it’s great! We are mindful of each other, we respect one another and we both take equal responsibility. He can’t cook and I hate cleaning so that works out nicely. We both spend most of our time in our rooms on the internet, but we still hang out and have friends over for beers or dinner together. We both have a terrible sense of humor and it’s common for one of us to break out in a cheesy 80’s song only to have the other roll their eyes and promptly join in. I am so happy with our living arrangement and really, to me, he is The Perfect Roommate.

Merry happy!

Posted: December 24, 2014 in Life-thingies

Tis totally the night before Christmas and all is chill.

This tiny post just to say merry Christmas and all that. I will see you all very soon right here on the blog (that’s right I ain’t dead).

Hugs, kisses and roast pork for you all.

Love from Neo.

Greetings from the summer-heat. (Hah, suck it Aussies!)

As you might know, I am Danish (not a danish, just Danish) and being of the superior Scandinavian heritage grants me the awe-inspiring power to understand several languages beyond my native tongue.

What I’m saying is; since I speak Danish, I also mostly understand Norwegian and Swedish. Growing up very close to Sweden taught me to become pretty proficient in what I would call Scandinavian. A mix of all three languages in an attempt to make myself understood. This comes in handy since one of my jobs is in tourism and Swedes (for some reason) love taking their summer holiday in Denmark.

This morning, I was awoken by the jangling sound of my phone ringing (actually it doesn’t really jangle as much as it plays the Dr. Who theme). Bleary-eyed and hoarse-voiced I answered with my, perhaps more guttural than usual, ” ‘s Neo”. A voice replied in what was more a question than a statement “Hallo?”.

I quickly recovered “Hi, what can I do for ya” (in Danish). The voice, now more sure of itself replied “Jag ville veta om det var så att vi kunde komma ut på en guidad tur idag?”

Aaaaand my brain was nowhere near awake enough to understand anything she said. So I did the only thing I could think of, I asked her to repeat, in english. Slightly embarrassed I booked their tour and hung up.

10 minutes later she called back, she hadn’t received the booking email I’d sent yet. This time I was awake enough to rock some Scandinavian and I think I only confused her further going from Danish, to English, to Scandinavian, but we managed.

Language is fun :)

So I am now on Twitter. I have no friggin’ idea how anything works, but I’m sure I’ll catch on. My handle (yes, I do know some lingo) is @Neomety so if you don’t want me to feel like a complete failure follow me and stuff. Think about it; you could have access to me 24/7, doesn’t that sound just…great?

twat

Oooh I should totally use it to leak spoilers and stuff! Maybe votes for what I’ll write next! It might also help me to actually write things, so that’s good. Yeah you should look me up there and I will do the tweet-thing.

The tweet-thing sounds like a dance move from a 60’s beach movie:

“Come on baby, yeah yeah yeah, Come on baby, do that tweet-thing now” 

Any suggestions for people I should follow or things you’d like me to do there?

 

Lazy afternoons

Posted: July 9, 2014 in Life-thingies
Tags: , , ,

Hi guys!

We are experiencing a very un-danish summer so far. Meaning the sun is shining and it’s pretty darn hot. I’m in the office, sweating, trying to sort through the immense amount of email one can acquire in an incredibly short time.

Bobo, the office dog, has given up on anything but lying still and panting. I feel like joining him, the floor is probably nice and cold. Sigh.

photo

 

I hope you’re all having a great summer (winter for the upside-downers).

P.s. The boxes in the back contain black top-hats, because we’re just that kind of company.

Complaints

Posted: June 24, 2014 in Life-thingies
Tags: ,

In the last couple of days I have received two complaints. One I totally agree with and one I don’t.

The first was an “But, but, but. You promised!” And I did. I promised I would do my best to post something everyday of June. I failed. (What I didn’t fail was my final exam, and I have now finished my education. On Wednesday I get a diploma at a ceremony and everything). So yes, I failed. Oh well, life’s so filled with opportunity, can’t run after all of it.

The second was, and I quote because it’s that good: “Dude, I really like your blog and all, but you really use a lot of profanity. You should really think about what kinda message you wanna be sending and quit using bad words.”

I do, I use a lot of profanity. Why? Because profanity is expressive. Very expressive. And I like words that pack a punch. Hell, I just like words in general, even the word moist which is kinda gross. I like the word brewery even if I can’t say it when I’m drunk. I like offensive words and long words, nonsensical words and specific words. And fuck yes I like profanity!

So to you I say: I fucking love that you took the time to write me an email. I won’t change a goddamned thing, but thanks anyway.

If anyone else should have anything to complain about, tell it to my email!